I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
