you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
