you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
