Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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