Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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