he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
