Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
