Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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