Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
