He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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