booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
