I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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