who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I heard we made out
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
