I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
