He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
