Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
