my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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