I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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