she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
another moral hangover. fuck.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
