i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
