Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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