they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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