Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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