then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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