Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
