One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
