last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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