Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
