Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
