your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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