I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
