you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
