Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sext me about skeletons
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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