actually, I'm a sock model
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
