Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
