Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I need help removing her.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
