dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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