fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
