I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
