"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
