WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just pee around me
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