And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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