we're blogging at a bar
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
