Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I am one with the molecules
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
