is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
