I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
