Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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