just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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