why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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