I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
