if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
