I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
