God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
