Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
