This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
