I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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