after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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