Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
